The average person speaks 31,500 words per day. Since I only
utter about 47 words per day, mostly to my dog, I once again find myself at the
far, lonely end of the Bell Curve.
The main problem with the English language is that it was
invented by the English, a race of island bound twits whose major contributions
to the human race are cricket and Monty Python’s Flying Circus.
To insure the human race has plenty to say, the Oxford
English Dictionary folks recently added 3,500 new words to their dictionary,
last updated in 1993. Politics and current affairs are monitored closely for
new words, as are contemporary subject areas such as technology, food, films
and television.
Some of the new words originating in Great Britain due to
NEW LABOUR’S election victory (a few years ago) are OLD LABOUR, NEW LABOUR,
CLAUSE FOUR, BLAIRISM and BLAIRITE.
British initiatives such as LITERACY HOUR, STAKEHOLDER
PENSIONS and BACK TO BASICS were also added, along with topical words and
phrases like ASYLUM SEEKER, ASYMMETRICAL, WARFARE, BED-BLOCKING, BENEFIT
TOURIST, ECONOMIC MIGRANT, IDENTITY POLITICS, JUST WAR, NAME AND SHAME, SPIN
CONTROL and SPINMEISTER.
Slang terms from Great Britain include ANORAKY, BLING-BLING,
EARLY DOORS, GOALHANGER, GO COMMANDO, GET REAL, SHEDLOAD and WEDGIE.
Slang terms from the USA are ASS-BACKWARDS, BADASS, BOGART,
ECONOBOX, GOOF-PROOF, LOOSEY-GOOSEY, LOSINGEST and STICKER SHOCK.
Other USA inputs include THE FORCE, JEDI, KLINGONS,
GRINCHES, GEARHEADS, CARJACKING, CONTROL FREAKS, DVDs, LINE DANCING, LAP
DANCING, PASHMINAS, ROAD RAGE, SHOCK JOCKS, SPEED CAMERAS, SUPERMODELS,
BUNNY-HUGGERS and BUNNY-BOILERS.
A BUNNY-HUGGER is defined as a conservationist or animal
lover, while a bunny-boiler is a vindictive woman, as portrayed by Glenn Close
in the movie “Fatal Attraction.”
A close examination of the new dictionary reveals that they
missed a few new words, including:
WEED-EATER – A vegetarian on a tight budget who lives near a
deep ditch.
INOCULATTE – to take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.
INTAXICATION – Excitement at getting a tax refund, which
lasts until you realize it was your money in the first place.
BLAMESTORMING – A group discussion attempting to find an
excuse for missing a deadline and finding someone to blame.
KARMAGEDDON – When the human race reaps what it sows.
HIPATITIS – An inflammation of coolness.
GIRAFFITI – Vandalism spray-painted in very high places.
GLIBIDO – All talk and no action.
TEXAS BOASTER – All hat and no cattle.
OHNOSECOND – The miniscule fraction of time when you realize
you just made a colossal, non-reversal mistake.
DOPELER EFFECT – The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly and quickly disappear into the
background.
YONG – A state of confusion when your yin and yang are out
of balance.
REINTARNATION – Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
FOREPLOY – A misrepresentation of oneself for the purpose of
an intimate interlude.
SARCHASM – The gap between the author of sarcastic wit and
the person who doesn’t get it.
___________
Quote for the Day -- "Some people have a
way with words, and other people… oh, uh, not have way." Steve Martin
___________
Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books. He lives
in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and occasionally uses words
to express himself.
___________
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