Monday, August 27, 2012

Bad Real Estate Agents

The best investment on Earth is earth.

Throughout my perilous journey through life on Planet Earth, I have purchased (and sold) homes in southern California (North Hollywood, Oxnard, Sherman Oaks), Wickenburg, Arizona, and Salem, Arkansas.

When seeking to purchase a home, the first step is to narrow-down a compatible area that fits your needs, desires and budget. The next step is finding the right real estate agent, which isn't always a simple task -- sometimes, your real estate may turn out to be a few slices short of a full loaf.


1) The agent shows up to give you a tour, on his Harley, and tells you to "hop on."

2) The agent can't attend open houses on weekends because he's busy delivering pizzas.

3) When you spot a leak in the roof, the agent calls it a natural shower and adds another 1/2 to the bathroom count.

4) The agent tells you that if he doesn't get a commission soon, he's going back to his old job of shoplifting at Wal Mart.

5) The phone number of the agent is the pay phone in the men's room at an Indian casino.

6) The agent won't work with you unless you're a Libra or a Scorpio.

7) When you express an interest in a property, the agent immediately falls to his knees and kisses your feet.

8) The agent wants you to call him by his nickname, Slick, because there are several arrest warrants out for him under his real name.

9) The agent submits all written offers on the back of napkins he pilfered from Taco Bell.

10) The agent can only show properties south of the railroad tracks and west of the highway because of restraining orders.

I once bought a house in a depressed area -- the prices weren't particularly low, but all the people in the area were bummed out.

Quote for the Day -- "Next to the writer of real estate advertisements, the autobiographer is the most suspect of prose artists." Donal Henahan

Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books, including THE REALITY OF THE ILLUSION OF REALITY and 11:11 EARTH TIME (available on Amazon). He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where a home for sale listed as "cozy" usually refers to a hollow tree.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

USA Small Town Quiz

GEOGRAPHY QUIZ -- Match List #1 with List #2


1) Black Hammer, Blue Earth, Rollingstone, Fertile, Climax
2) Washington, Madison, Lincoln, Waterproof, New Roads
3) Tahlequah, Wapanucka, Waukomis, Chickasha, Choctaw
4) Independence, Pittsburg, Auburn, Duluth, Moscow
5) Independence, Pittsburg, Auburn, London New Haven
6) Independence, Pittsburg, Auburn, London, Newark
7) Independence, Pittsburg, Aurora, Laddonia, New Haven
8) Wauwatosa, Waupaca, Wausaukee, Manitowoc, Mukwonago
9) Paradise, Power, Superior, Wisdom, Plentywood
10) Parachute, Rifle, Sunbeam, El Jebel, Virginia Dale
11) Cleveland, Savannah, Paris, Portland, Springfield
12) Des Moines, Sacramento, Pie Town, Loving, High Rolls
13) Nevada, California, Louisiana, Oregon, Mexico
14) Twin Peaks, Weed Patch, Pumpkin Center, Nice, Cool
15) Congress, Superior, Sunrise, Blue, Skull Valley
16) Albatross, Citation, Whirlaway, Cardigan Bay, Rock Sand
17) Jerusalem, Palestine, Ozone, Ink, Oil Trough
18) Madison, Portland, Lincoln, Camden, Belfast
19) Athens, Reno, Paris, Atlanta, Detroit
20) Athens, Reno, Rome, Belfast, Dublin


A) Towns in Kansas
B) Towns in California
C) Towns in California
D) Towns in Kentucky
E) Towns in Colorado
F) Towns in Oklahoma
G) Towns in Wisconsin
H) Towns in Missouri
I) Towns in Missouri
J) Towns in Louisiana
K) Towns in Montana
L) Towns in Arkansas
M) Towns in New Mexico
N) Towns in Arizona
O) Towns in Texas
P) Towns in Minnesota
Q) Towns in Tennessee
R) Towns in Georgia
S) Towns in Maine
T) Famous Race Horses

ANSWERS: 1-P, 2-J, 3-F, 4-A, 5-D, 6-B, 7-I, 8-G, 9-K, 10-E, 11-Q, 12-M, 13-H, 14-C, 15-N, 16-T, 17-L, 18-S, 19-O, 20-R

20 -- Highly unlikely
17-19 -- Get a life
11-16 -- Well travelled
6-10 -- Not bad
1-5 -- Bad guesser
Zero -- Highly unlikely

Quote for the Day -- "I hate small towns because once you've seen the cannon in the park there's nothing else to do." Lenny Bruce

Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books, including THE REALITY OF THE ILLUSION OF REALITY and 11:11 EARTH TIME (available on Amazon). He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and occasionally talks to trees.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

New Thought -- Ancient Wisdom

Michael Beckwith is a leader in the "New Thought" movement.  In 1986, he founded the Agape International Spiritual Center for those who practice "New Thought -- Ancient Wisdom." He has made appearances on Larry King Live and The Oprah Winfrey Show, participated with the Dalai Lama in a feature-length documentary and is the author of many books.

In his book titled SPIRITUAL LIBERATION, Beckwith devotes a chapter to his seven keys for individuals to experience a positive life, meant to purify the Body, Mind and Spirit.

1) HYDRATION -- Drink plenty of pure water. It's essential to hydrate the physical body, which is also based on the spiritual principle of accessing inner wisdom in order to quench the soul's thirst.

"We are not here to be of no earthly good or to deny the delight of human experiences. Life in its juiciness, its passion, is beautiful." Michael Beckwith

2) NUTRITION -- Eat foods that "have been touched sunlight" and  "carry the light of the natural world" to nourish the body. Nourishment of the Spirit is provided by such influences as your friendships, books, movies, conversations, etc. -- these influences imprint your consciousness and become the manner in which you express yourself.

"Our karma can only determine a starting point, but it can never determine our destiny. Our destiny is determined by our attitude and character, which are constantly being formed through our moment-by-moment choices." Michael Beckwith

3) EXERCISE -- Physical exercise is necessary to assimilate what you eat and drink in order to maintain a proper level of vitality. Inner exercise is necessary to obtain and maintain the capacity required to be able to practice your beliefs.

"If you merely collect spiritual information without practicing it, all you will develop is a case of spiritual indigestion and constipation." Michael Beckwith

4) DETOXIFICATION -- Fasting releases toxins from the body, including the digestive system and organs of elimination. If your body permits, it is wise to fast one day per week (drink more liquids, eat less solids). Cleansing is also necessary on the spiritual plane (forgiveness, love) to purify the heart and soul.

"Forgiveness is often what the heart is waiting for in order to release the past and be in the now." Michael Beckwith

5) POSITIVE THOUGHTS -- Negative thoughts create toxins in the immune systems. Positive thoughts are tonics to physical and mental well-being.

"Our incarnation is safe and secure, regardless of outer appearances. Only the ego is insecure." Michael Beckwith

6) SUNLIGHT -- Our bodies are an illusionary mass of electromagnetic energy. Daily exposure to sunlight (at least 20 minutes) absorbs the healing rays of the sun and produces certain vitamins and chemicals within the body. Meditation (and similar practices) internalizes the "light of the soul" allowing us to realize we are luminous beings beyond the frequency of solid matter.

"Everything that is alive requires energetic life force in order to exist." Michael Beckwith

7) REST -- Resting is a form of action permitting the body and mind to regenerate. Being in a state of no-thought calms the nervous system.

"Evolved people understand that there's a celebration going on throughout this great Universe and that a cosmic celebration can be localized within you when you realize that life is not a problem to be solved but a magnificent mystery to be lived." Michael Beckwith

Quote for the Day -- "Your incarnation is your canvas." Michael Beckwith

Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books, including THE REALITY OF THE ILLUSION OF REALITY and 11:11 EARTH TIME (available on Amazon). He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and occasionally talks to trees.