Sunday, June 27, 2010

Changing Careers

Back in the good old days when Ozzie and Harriet Nelson were raising a couple of lads on TV, men worked 45 years for the same company and retired on a pension while their dutiful wives stayed at home and kept the household running smoothly. These days both husbands and wives can expect to bounce from job to job and even career to career several times before they’ll have enough free time to watch old Ozzie and Harriet reruns.

I have a friend named Lynn, age 63, who was a systems engineer at IBM and later a senior systems analyst for Lockheed in Southern California. After over 20 years in information technology, she spent a decade overseas with her engineer husband as a housewife. When she tried to get back into the computer job market upon returning to the states, she was shut out. So she started a new life in her mid 50s by attending nursing school and becoming a nurse.

I have a friend named Campbell, age 59, who was a marketing executive for a major grocery store chain in Charlotte, NC. He had started as a bag boy when he was a freshman in college and eventually worked his way up to the executive suite. When the company was taken over by another food chain a few years ago, he and other executives were given a pat on the back and escorted out the building. He has yet to find another job.

In today’s workplace environment, you need to be flexible. Just when you reach the pinnacle of your profession, your profession may disappear. At that point, you’re probably overqualified to even get another job.

I have a friend named Jane, age 43, who is a Microsoft Certified Engineer in Memphis. When times got tough for her, she became a certified massage therapist. Now she has a full list of regular clients that keeps her busy. She also designs websites. Her enterprising nature has allowed her to maintain a 100-acre horse ranch.

I have a friend named Dean, age 68, who once worked for others as a metal polisher. Being the sort of rebellious, vocal employee who always found better ways of doing things, he often found himself at odds with management. So he set up shop in his basement in Minneapolis a couple of decades ago and now fashions antique car parts for rich collectors and distributors. He has so much demand for his unique skill that he turns projects down.

I have a friend named Patrick, age 62, who once owned a pizza joint in Phoenix. When business turned slow a decade ago, he studied and became a stockbroker, then found a position with a major brokerage house. His wife who had also worked in the pizza joint became a successful real estate agent.

I have a friend named Stan, age 49, who was once a contract computer programmer in Chicago. He eventually tired of the stress of meeting project goals and the uncertainty of finding another contract, so he worked nights as a janitor in large office buildings. Soon he hired others to do the janitorial work and continually expanded to more and more buildings. Today he has dozens of employees and spends much of his time in the Bahamas.

There is a guy in Wyoming named Stanford Addison. At age 20, his truck went out of control as he tried to avoid hitting a herd of horses. After two long years of hospitalization with a spinal cord injury, he became a quadriplegic confined to a wheelchair for the rest of his life. Today, some 30 years later, Addison calls himself a "horse counselor" as he works with wild mustangs and horses with behavioral problems. Getting in the training pen with a wild horse "puts you right in there where you have to use all the gifts that the creator blessed you with," Addison explains.

I met a woman named Frankie, age 53, a couple of years ago and we have done a couple of writing projects together. A few years prior to that, she was in a serious motorcycle accident and spent many, many months in a hospital rehabilitating her broken body just to be able to walk once again. She had flourished in the corporate world as an event promoter, but changed directions after the accident. Today, the unstoppable Frankie Picasso is a radio-show host, author, motivational speaker, and professional Certified Life, Business and Master Coach Trainer.

Some people are helpless without a manager. Some people are hopeless unless they become the manager. Some people want the security of a large organization. Some people want to be self-employed. Some people want to work indoors. Some people want to work outdoors. And some people don't want to work at all. But whatever direction you choose, you need to be prepared to scramble for a cash flow simply to exist in this material world. Food, clothing and shelter are necessary items for self-preservation. And if you are foolish enough to yearn for luxury and bling-bling, you need to scramble that much harder.

I spent decades as a contract computer programmer myself until my specialty language died. But I’m not too eager to clean buildings so I wrote some novels, a highly unprofitable endeavor so far. I also wrote a weekly newspaper column and taught college computer courses for many years. I finally retired last year.

In a world of rapidly advancing technology and global financial instability, the job market is changing faster than a bullet train on steroids. You need to acquire a variety of skills and be prepared to adapt to the changing times.

Life is simple -- choose a lifestyle that makes you happy, figure out a way to make it work and do it.

The world doesn’t owe you a job. You owe it to yourself to find the correct path.

Quote for the Day -- "If you are going to have dreams, make them big dreams. It takes the same amount of effort and energy for conversion." Frankie Picasso (author of Midlife Mojo).

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where change means clean socks every full moon. His blogs appear on several websites, including

Monday, June 21, 2010

Idiotic Quotes

Human beings are idiots. They often prove it whenever they open their mouths, which is why I live alone in the woods and keep my mouth shut. Some quotes from idiots below, followed by observations from me (BB).

Eva Longoria, actress, when asked to describe her year in five words --"My urine? Describe my urine in five words? I don't think I can do it in five. Oh --- my year!"
(BB -- I can describe my urine in 3 words)

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur." - Al Gore, former U.S. vice president
(BB -- is he describing global warming or his latest confab with Tipper?)

"If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?” - Cynthia Heimel, Author
(BB -- Duh)

"Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the other team below 100 points they almost always win.” - Doug Collins, basketball commentator
(BB -- Basketball commentators are former basketball players, basically tall non-mathematicians)

"I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents.” - George Wallace 1968 presidential campaign
(BB -- Wallace was the former governor of Alabama. In Alabama, everyone can count to 10, unless they are missing some fingers)

"The world is more like it is now then it ever has before." - Dwight Eisenhower, former U.S. President
(BB -- Actually, the world is more like it was before when it was more like it was when it was now)

"A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it is written on." - Samuel Goldwyn, early movie producer
(BB -- Unless it's written on the wind)

"To me, the greatest book of all time is The Bible because there's some religious stuff in it!" - Jim Rosenberg, author
(BB -- Lots of blood and lust, but a very complex plot)

"I get so tired listening to one million dollars here, one million dollars there, it's so petty." - Imelda Marcos, former First Lady in the Philippines
(BB -- Imelda owned 5,000 pairs of shoes while much of her nation lived in poverty. There are human light-workers and human pigs. Oink, oink, Ms. First Lady)

"People hate me because I am a multifaceted, talented, wealthy, internationally famous genius." - Jerry Lewis, comedian
(BB -- No, people hate you because you are an egomaniacal, self-absorbed, self-righteous, internationally famous jerk)

"Does the album have any songs you like that aren't on it?" - Harry News, music reviewer
(BB -- And if you can answer that, you win a cookie)

"I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me." - Andre Dawson, former professional baseball player
(BB -- I prefer a hand-held copulating device with fresh batteries)

"The internet is a great way to get on the net." - Bob Dole, Republican presidential candidate
(BB -- A bathtub is a great way to take a bath)

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - Greg Norman, Golfer
(BB -- Norman is from Australia, where everything is upside-down))

"Most lies about blondes are false." - Cincinnati Times-Star, headline
(BB -- That's why blondes have more fun)

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." - Dizzy Dean, former professional baseball player
(BB -- If they found nothing, it means nothing was not missing)

"Half of this game is ninety percent mental." - Danny Ozark, Phillies manager
(BB -- Half of a baseball game is ninety percent boring. The other ninety percent is peanuts and beer.)

"That scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it." - A congressional candidate in Texas.
(BB -- In Texas, this statement is redundant)

"For those of you haven't read the book, it's being published tomorrow.” - David Frost, British Talk Show Host
(BB -- Frost is British. He serves a queen. He has been emasculated by his surroundings. One cannot expect an emasculated queen-worshiper to know yesterday from tomorrow.)

"We all get heavier as we get older because there's a lot more information in our heads." - Vlade Divac, Basketball player
(BB -- Obviously, I have a lot more information stored in my head than needed)

"So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?" - Christina Aguilera
(BB -- Cannes, Iowa)

"Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, ‘Thank God, I'm still alive.’ But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." - Senator Barbara Boxer (D-Cal)
(BB -- My life will never be the same after learning that Congress is made up of idiots)

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." - Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer
(BB -- I get up every day at noon, regardless of whether it's night or day)

"The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe." - Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia.
(BB -- It's only people who are idiots)

"I need more sex, okay? Before I die I wanna taste everyone in the world." - Angelina Jolie
(BB -- Drop by and nibble on me, babe. I taste a bit like rhubarb dipped in brake fluid)

"Solutions are not the answer." - Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
(BB -- And the answers from DC are never the solutions either. It works both ways.)

"We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles." – former Arizona Governor Wesley Bolin
(BB -- Yes, problems can be troubles. But a penny saved is a penny earned)

"Being married means I can break wind and eat ice cream in bed" - Brad Pitt, actor.
(BB -- Hey, Brad. Your main squeeze is headed my way to taste me. I will break wind to make her feel at home.)

"Underwear is such an emotional thing." - Elle MacPherson, actress
(BB -- Being in a fight with a grizzly bear, with only an empty can of beer and a lead pencil, is also an emotional thing)

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?" - Lee Iacocca
(BB -- No, it is you who must pause and ask yourself: Should I make an appointment to have my head examined?)

During the 1994 Miss USA Pageant, Amie Beth Dickinson, Miss Alabama, in response to the question: If you could live forever, would you and why? -- "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever."
(BB -- If we were supposed to be smart, then we would be smart, but we cannot be smart, which is why we are not smart.)

My ex-wife once told me, after making a very costly purchase, "I put it on the credit card so it really didn't cost anything."
(BB -- All marriages are happy. It's the living together afterward that causes all the problems)

Quote for the Day -- "Stupid is as stupid does." Forrest Gump

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where animals are fifty percent smarter than ninety percent of the humanoids. His blogs appear on several websites, including

Sunday, June 13, 2010


On May 1, 1776, under the direction of Mayer Amschel Rothschild, founder of the Rothschild family international banking dynasty, a Bavarian named Adam Weishaupt formed the Order of the Illuminati. The word "Illuminati" is derived from Luciferian teachings, meaning "holders of the Light" -- Lucifer (Satan) is known as "Bearer of the Light." The Illuminati became a secret organization of powerful wealthy elitists whose main objective is to control the world by creating a one-world government. One of their many secret covert acts was manipulating events to cause the French Revolution.

Helen Thomas was born on August 4, 1920, in Winchester, Kentucky. Her parents were immigrants from Lebanon. She became a news service reporter, a newspaper columnist, a member of the White House Press Corp where she has covered every U.S. President since Eisenhower, and the author of five books. She was the first female officer of the National Press Club and the first female president of the White House Correspondence Association.

On May 27, 2010, Thomas was asked her opinion of Israel, outside a White House Jewish heritage event, by a Jewish Rabbi. Thomas said, "They should get the hell out of Palestine." She added that Palestine was "occupied and it's their land" and that the occupiers should return to Germany and Poland and wherever else.

These statements cause a great deal of consternation in the mainstream press, including being labeled an "anti-Semite" by many prominent political and news people, whereupon Helen Thomas issued an apology and resigned from the White House Press Corp.

A Semite is a member or descendent of peoples from southwestern Asia, including Akkadians (Sumerian, Babylonion), Phoenicians (Lebanon, Syria, Palestine, Israel), Hebrews, Arabs, and all the North African countries along the Mediterranean Sea. Therefore, Israeli Jews make up only a tiny percentage of the Semite world.

Being of Lebanese descent, Helen Thomas is a Semite. Those residents of Israel whom she suggested should return to their original homeland of Germany or Poland, who may be of the Jewish faith, are not actually Semites since they are not of the Middle East region. Therefore, in order to be anti-Semitic, Thomas would have to hate herself.

In the eighth century, the Khazar Empire was a large region in central Asia, including the northern part of the Black Sea, the Caspian Sea and the Caucasus Mountains. It was a vast area between the Christian world and the Islamic world. In about 740 AD, King Bulan, the King of the Khazar Empire, decided to adopt the religion of Judaism in order to prevent his kingdom from being absorbed by Christian or Islamic bordering territories.

Ninety to ninety-five percent of people who call themselves "Jewish" today are not descendents of the Palestine region, but are descendents of Khazar Jews from southern Russia and the Caucasus Mountains. Therefore, 90-95 percent of people who call themselves Jews are not Semites. The Khazar Jews eventually made their way into Eastern Europe (Poland, Romania, Hungary, Bulgaria, Austria, Germany, etc.).

The House of Rothschild is a family of Khazar Jews. They have been in control of the world for a very long time.

World War One was a territorial dispute between various European countries, triggered by the assassination of Archduke Ferdinand of Austria in 1914. It was basically a stalemate until the Rothschild Illuminati banking interests, who manipulated the war into being in the first place, wanted to get the USA involved into the conflict.

The Balfour Declaration, written by members of The Round Table, a Rothschild-funded secret society in Britain, was sent to senior advisors of U.S. President Woodrow Wilson. It was basically a letter from British Foreign Secretary, Lord Balfour, to Lionel Walter Rothschild, for purposes of dragging the USA into the war. It was subsequently forwarded to the Zionist Federation of Great Britain and Ireland. It read as follows.

"His Majesty's Government view with favour the establishment in Palestine of a national home for the Jewish people, and will use their best endeavours to facilitate the achievement of this object, it being clearly understood that nothing shall be done which may prejudice the civil and religious rights of existing non-Jewish communities in Palestine, or the rights and political status enjoyed by Jews in any other country."

The Declaration promised Palestine to both Jews and Arabs, as a strategic maneuver to retain the Arabs on the British side of the war against Turkey. The true Rothschild Illuminati intention did not include the Arabs.

Zionism is a political movement to establish a homeland for Jewish people in the land of Israel. Zionism is not the Jewish people, it is a force created and manipulated by the Illuminati families, which are controlled by the Rothschild financial empire. A large number of Jewish people are not Zionists and many Zionists are not Jewish. For example, Vice President Joe Biden, an Irish Catholic, has publicly proclaimed, “I am a Zionist.”

In 1919, after the end of WWI, severe reparations were imposed on Germany. This would not have been the case if the USA had not entered the war -- it would have ended in a stalemate and both sides would have gone back to original boundaries. The reparations imposed on Germany were so oppressive it led to the rise of Hitler and Nazism. When the German people learned that elitist Khazar Jews were responsible for bringing about their oppressive conditions, a backlash against Jews ensued. Hitler initiated World War Two, whereby Khazar Jews were rounded up and sent to concentration camps to be exterminated. Ironically, various networks of the Rothschild Dynasty (Khazar Jews) were behind the rise of Hitler and the Nazis.

The Balfour Declaration opened the way for European Khazar Jews to create a Palestinian state called Israel, thereby escaping the hatred of the aftermath of World War Two. The Rothschild Dynasty funded the early settlers into post-war Palestine.

The name Rothschild means "red shield." Displayed on their house in Frankfurt, Germany, is a 6-pointed star known as the Seal of Solomon, also known as the Star of David. When the state of Israel came into being in 1948, the Star of David became part of the country flag. But in reality it is the State of Rothschild.

Every Prime Minister of Israel since its inception has been a Khazar Jew, rather than a Palestinian Jew originally from the homeland.

B'nai B'rith, an offshoot of the Scottish Rite of Freemasonry, was established by the Rothschild Illuminati in 1843 in an effort to prevent exposure of the true goals of Zionism. In 1913, B'nai B'rith created the Anti Defamation League, ostensibly "to protect the Jewish people." In reality, the Anti Defamation League is an agency of the Mossad, the Israeli organization for covert operations. They coined the term "anti-Semitism" to be used against anyone who questions the motives of Zionism.

The current plan is to keep the Middle East in a state of turmoil, leading to another global war, whereupon a one-world government will be established with the Illuminati families in charge.

The adverse consequences of Zionism are staggering. The Palestinian Jews were harmed by the Zionist movement. They had lived peacefully with their Arab neighbors until the creation of Israel in 1948. The European Khazar Jews were also harmed by the Zionist movement, being used as pawns to foment conflict in the Middle East in order to provoke another world war. The Palestinian Arabs were harmed by the Zionist movement, being herded off of their original homeland and occupied by racist outsiders who swarmed in from elsewhere and stole their land.

This is a giant mess, quite likely leading to World War III, created by elitist international banking interests that secretly manipulate world events in order to enrich themselves, and gain financial, political and military control over the entire world.

The 13 Illuminati families consist of Rothschild (Bauer), Bruce, Cavendish (Kennedy), De Medici, Hanover, Hapsburg, Krupp, Plantagenet, Rockefeller, Romanov, Sinclair (St. Clair), Warburg, Windsor (British Royal family).

Greed is a never-ending struggle to overcome fear, insecurity and a lack of self-worth.

May you gain in wisdom and set your captives free.

Quote for the Day -- "The settlement of the Land of Israel is the essence of Zionism. Without settlement, we will not fulfill Zionism. It's that simple." Yitzhak Shamir (Prime Minister of Israel, 1983-84, 1986-92)

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where a rich person is just a poor person with money. His blogs appear on several websites, including

Saturday, June 5, 2010

The Apocalypse

It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

One quiet afternoon, I was sitting on my deck gazing at the splendor of the world around me and wondering if it would all come to an end someday. Suddenly, a hickory nut fell from the tree and bounced off my head.

It was a moment of epiphany; much like the moment an apple fell from a tree and hit Isaac Newton on the head. I realized there was a mystical force holding everything together. But Newton discovered it first and called it gravity.

Sir Isaac Newton (1643 – 1727) was a mathematician, physicist, astronomer, alchemist, philosopher and a guy who foolishly sat under apple trees. Many consider him to be the greatest figure in the history of science.

In 1687, he formulated the concept of universal gravitation and the three laws of motion.

Newton's First Law – An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in uniform motion tends to stay in uniform motion unless acted upon by an external force. (Like my Uncle Leo and my ex-wife – one tends to stay at rest and the other one tends to be in constant motion, especially when on a shopping spree).

Newton's Second law – An applied force on an object equals the time rate of change of its momentum. (Uncle Leo has no momentum and my ex-wife loses her momentum when the stores close).

Newton's Third Law – Every action has an equal and opposite reaction. (When Uncle Leo eats too many beans the flies go away and when the ex-wife makes too many purchases the credit cards get maxed out).

Newton invented the reflecting telescope, formulated an empirical law of cooling, developed a theory of color, studied the speed of sound, proposed a theory of the origin of stars, contributed to the study of power series, enunciated the principles of conservation of momentum and angular momentum, and developed "Newton's Method" (the generalized binomial theorem for approximating the zeroes of a function).

In other words, he was a heavy hitter in the world of geeks and nerds.

One of Newton's great passions was his study of the Bible and of the early Church Fathers. He purportedly spent more time on the study of the Scriptures and pursuing alchemy than on science. He wrote, "I have a fundamental belief in the Bible as the Word of God, written by those who were inspired. I study the Bible daily."

Of his scientific work, Newton wrote, "Gravity explains the motions of the planets, but it cannot explain who set the planets in motion. God governs all things and knows all that is or can be."

In his textual work titled "An Historical Account of Two Corruptions of Scripture" he stated that the crucifixion of Jesus Christ took place on April 3 in 33 AD. He also attempted to find hidden messages within the Bible.

In the late 1930s, some of Isaac Newton's papers were found in a trunk at the house of the Earl of Portsmouth. These papers are presently on exhibit in Jerusalem's Hebrew University.

According to Yemima Ben-Menahem, one of the curators of the exhibition, "These documents show a scientist guided by religious fervor, by a desire to see God's actions in the world."

Some of the papers include mundane notes about Newton's income and the price of tin.

Using the Book of Daniel as his guide, Newton calculated the date for the Apocalypse to be in the year 2060.

The word "Apocalypse" was originally a term applied to the disclosure to certain privileged persons of something hidden from the mass of humanity. Today, it usually refers to the end of the world as we know it.

"It may end later, but I see no reason for its ending sooner." Newton added. "This I mention not to assert when the time of the end shall be, but to put a stop to the rash conjectures of fanciful men who are frequently predicting the time of the end, and by doing so bring the sacred prophesies into discredit."

Being a fanciful man who often makes rash conjectures, I once predicted the world would end the day I received my first Social Security check. That day has come and gone, so it's back to the drawing board for me.

Maybe the end of the world will never come and a hickory nut on the head is just a hickory nut on the head.

And maybe Newton was just another fanciful man making rash conjectures too. We'll all find out in 2060.

Or if we're lucky, we'll all find out on December 21, 2012. The sooner the better. The worst case scenario would be no earth-shattering apocalypse at all -- simply an endless procession of minor ones tormenting humanity into eternity (much like today, yesterday and tomorrow).

Let's get it rocking-n-rolling, cleanse the orb and start over.

Quote for the Day -- "Don't blame yourself. The apocalypse wasn't your fault. Actually, it was just as much your fault as it was anyone else's. Come to think of it, if you're an American, it was probably about 80-90 percent more your fault than the average human. But don't let that get you down. It wasn't exclusively your fault. Unless you're the president. Then it might be your fault. But you'll have plenty of interns to tell you that it wasn't, so you'll be fine." Meghann Marco

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where gravity is not only a rule, it's a law. His blogs appear on several websites, including