Sunday, November 28, 2010

Reptilian Masters

We live in a world where governments and other centers of power often operate in secrecy. Thus, conspiracy theories abound. While some conspiracy theories may seem utterly mind-boggling and laughable at first glance, not all conspiracy theories are theories.

There are those who believe royal families are descendents of “serpent gods” -- reptilian entities with the ability to shape-shift between reptilian and human form at will.

There are those who believe royal families are called “blue bloods” because their increased reptilian genetic makeup contains additional copper, which turns bluish-green when exposed to air.

There are those who believe these reptilian shape-shifters originally descended upon earth from the Draco star system eons ago and remain in positions of power by interbreeding among themselves.

There are those who believe the reptilians consider themselves to be superior to other forms because they are androgynous (both male and female simultaneously) and are satanic in nature.

There are those who believe reptilians have the ability to appear in and out of our physical reality.

There are those who believe the reptilians were unable at first to enter into our physical reality because they had a high vibration rate rendering them unable to sustain a physical body.

There are those who believe that in order to survive in our reality, it was necessary for pure reptilians to mate with earthlings, producing reptilian hybrids called Nephilim.

There are those who believe reptilians are highly attracted to light-haired (blond or red), blue-eyed or green-eyed people because they need their genetics to survive in this dimension.

There are those who believe a group of global elites known as the Illuminati are of reptilian bloodlines (shape-shifters), led by an entity code-named Pindar (phallus of the dragon), and that the current Pindar is the head of the Rothschild family.

There are those who believe the 13 Illuminati families consist of Rothschild (Bauer), Bruce, Cavendish (Kennedy), De Medici, Hanover, Hapsburg, Krupp, Plantagenet, Rockefeller, Romanov, Sinclair (St. Clair), Warburg, Windsor (British Royal family).

There are those who believe these Illuminati “money” families are obsessed with breeding among themselves in order to remain genetically pure within the reptilian bloodline and to systematically gain control of most of the major positions of economic, political, military and media power in the world.

There are those who believe there is another layer of families, under the 13 Illuminati families, called the Committee of 300, with reptilian DNA but not necessarily of shape-shifter quantity. Some of these families include Beale, Bouvier, Bush, Campbell, Carnegie, Cooledge, Delano, Douglas, Ford, Graham, Hamilton, Harriman, Loeb, Mellon, Montgomery, Morgan, Norman, Oppenheimer, Rhodes, Roosevelt, Russell, Savoy, Spencer, Stuart, Taft, Wilson and more.

There are those who believe that the Illuminati elitists, who currently control world banking, political leaders and mainstream media, are attempting to create a one-world government (New World Order) in order to enslave humanity under their rule, thereby enriching and empowering themselves through total domination of the planet.

There are those who believe the reptilian Windsors (British royalty) chose Diana because of her blond-haired, blue-eyed genetic DNA structure.

There are those who believe the Windsors needed an infusion of Diana’s essence (genes) to maintain their human form.

There are those who believe the Windsors had Diana killed because she had already conceived Pindar’s son, William, and her essence (soul?) was needed to replenish the Windsor genetic bloodline.

If these mind-bogglers are true, we are presently being occupied and manipulated by intelligent forces, beyond our perceived reality, that lust for power and control -- whereby we are being kept in a state of continual conflict (distraction) while our Masters create a New World Order to feed off of our labor and stimulate their satanic desires through our fear.

On the positive side, the Slaves outnumber the Masters and appear to be slowing waking up to the exploitative nature of the illusion being programmed into their reality.

The Truth will set you Free -- but first it will make you miserable.

Quote for the Day -- “I believe that the human race has developed a form of collective schizophrenia in which we are not only the slaves to this imposed thought behavior, but we are also the police force of it.” David Icke

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where mighty trees are simply yesterday's nuts that held their ground. His blogs appear on several websites, including

Friday, November 26, 2010

Origin of Thanksgiving

As I write this piece, Thanksgiving in 2010 occurred yesterday. I stayed home this year and cleaned the bathroom, another annual event at my place.

On December 4, 1619, the first Thanksgiving celebration was held in America at the Berkeley Plantation in Virginia. Thirty-eight English settlers attended the event. It was part of their original charter to set aside one day every year to observe a day of thanksgiving for their annual harvest. Due to hardships and other factors, the annual festivities lasted only one year.

On December 11, 1620, one hundred and two Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. The first winter was brutal. Nearly half died from starvation and illness. The following summer, assisted by friendly Indians, the survivors reaped a bountiful harvest. To show their appreciation, Governor William Bradford invited nearly 100 Indians to join the Pilgrims in a feast of thanksgiving, starting on December 13, 1621, and lasting for three days.

Two years later, the Pilgrims were hit with a draught. One day they gathered to pray for rain. The next morning it started to rain and didn’t stop for several days. With the crops saved, Governor Bradford, being the party animal he was, declared another day of thanksgiving. Once again the Indians were invited.

As other settlers arrived to the colonies, they too held their own thanksgiving celebrations, each independent of the other.

In 1668, the government decided to get involved, as governments tend to do, declaring November 25 to be Thanksgiving Day. This proclamation lasted only five years.

The first national celebration of Thanksgiving occurred in 1777. It was a one-time event to celebrate the American victory over the British at Saratoga. Americans love to celebrate wars, which may be why they participate in so many of them.

In 1789, President George Washington created a proclamation declaring Thanksgiving a national event, to be held on the first Thursday of November. Apparently, the first President was a party animal too.

John Adams, the second President, moved Thanksgiving from Thursday to the previous Wednesday. Politicians are often meddlesome nitwits who believe that making changes, whether they make sense or not, are a sign of leadership. Later in his tenure, Adams moved it back to Thursday.

Not much of a party animal, the Third President, Thomas Jefferson, was opposed to Thanksgiving and cancelled the national festivities.

Finally, in July of 1863, shortly after the Battle of Gettysburg during the Civil War, President Abraham Lincoln declared the last Thursday in November as a national day of Thanksgiving. Over the next 75 years, every President followed Lincoln’s precedent, annually declaring a national Thanksgiving Day.

Then in 1941, when Congress had a majority of party animals on hand, Congress permanently established the fourth Thursday of November as a national holiday called Thanksgiving Day.

Thanksgiving is a tradition in my family. Some of last year’s activities included:

1) Built a pyramid of empty beer cans at halftime of football game.
2) Performed the Heimlich maneuver on my nephew to remove a walnut.
3) Moved a couch over the spot where the cat threw up to avoid a messy cleanup.
4) Debated Uncle Earl about the impact of global warming on Japanese baseball.
5) Wrestled with my brother to see who got the wishbone.
6) After dinner we set up the Christmas tree in anticipation of the next holiday in line.
7) Most of us took a short nap, except for Uncle Earl who kept debating by himself.
8) Wrestled with my brother to see who got stuck driving crazy Aunt Edna to the airport.
9) Scanned the Internet, looking for a list of symptoms of salmonella.

Thanksgiving is an occasion to thank Mother Earth for blessing you with a bountiful harvest and to thank Father Time for allowing you to enjoy life for another year. And to remind yourself to start your annual diet, right after the New Year rolls in.

Life is a precious experience. Be thankful for all the joy and sorrow it brings -- for without sorrow, there would be no joy.

Quote for the Day -- "To give thanks in solitude is enough. Thanksgiving has wings and goes where it must go. Your prayer knows much more about it than you do." Victor Hugo

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where road-kill makes a fine holiday feast. His blogs appear on several websites, including

Saturday, November 20, 2010

127 Hours -- The Movie

I wrote the following piece as a newspaper column in 2002 and posted it as a blog a couple of years ago. A major motion picture titled "127 HOURS" opened last week, based on the incident in this article.


In the movie THE ELECTRIC HORSEMAN, Robert Redford is a former rodeo champion, now past his prime, selling his soul to a large corporation as a spokesman for their brand of breakfast cereal. During a moment of disillusionment with his life, aided by a hefty dose of Jack Daniels, he rides off with a prized horse owned by the corporation in order to save it from being turned into a commercial puppet like himself.

Newspaper reporter Jane Fonda tracks down Redford and the stolen horse, joining them in their journey across remote areas of Utah. Redford plans to release the horse into the wild, freeing it from exploitation. Fonda tags along hoping to get a good news story out of it.

One day, as they’re walking up a formidable hill, Fonda begs Redford to slow down and take a rest.

Instead of slowing down, Redford marches on while telling Fonda a story from his old rodeo days about a cowboy who broke a rib and punctured his lung during a bull ride yet continued competing in his events.

“And he still rode the rankest mare there,” Redford said, proudly.

Fonda isn’t exactly impressed, wondering why men have to display so much machismo.

“It gets you over the hill,” Redford exclaims as he continues trudging up the incline.

Every once in a while we are faced with the option to gut it out or fall by the wayside. Sometimes it isn’t even an option.

In November of 2002, 27-year-old Aron Ralston quit his engineering job to pursue his goal of becoming the first person to climb solo, in winter, all 55 of Colorado’s peaks that exceed 14,000 feet in elevation.

Four months later, he survived an avalanche but remained undeterred.

In April of 2003, having told no one of his plans, Ralston was hiking alone in Blue John Canyon in a remote area of Utah when his right arm became pinned by an 800-pound boulder.

Falling by the wayside was not an option.

Ralston was trapped for five days and out of water before he finally took the only action he could to save himself. He broke each of the two bones in his forearm, applied a tourniquet and cut off his right arm at the point of the break with a pocketknife. Then he rigged an anchor, fixed a rope and rappelled 60 feet to the canyon floor.

After hiking for about five miles, covered with blood, Ralston encountered two tourists and was transported to safety.

It later took a crew of 13, using jacks and a hoist, to move the boulder and recover Ralston’s arm, which was subsequently delivered to the local mortuary. Because of the crude field surgery, doctors were forced to amputate the arm even closer the elbow.

While this particular tragedy was gruesome, Ralston brought much of it on himself. A prudent wilderness hiker would notify someone of their destination and expected time of return. Plus, hiking with a companion is essential in emergencies. With today’s electronics, carrying a cell phone or walkie-talkie would also be wise. And of course, avoid positioning body parts under anything heavier than a Buick.

If unwilling to take these basic precautions, find another hobby such as checkers or basket weaving.

Even though I try to live a simple life, I too must gut it out on occasion. For example, I’ll often get out of bed even if I’m still tired.

A person is the sum of their actions. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and rise to the occasion.

It gets you over the hill.

Quote for the Day – "You are an Eternal Soul, surrounded by Infinity. Virtue is nothing more than the proper use of energy." Bret

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where the sum of his actions is 33. His blogs appear on several websites, including

Friday, November 12, 2010

Ig Nobel Awards -- 2010

There is a scientific theory that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. It's probably not true, but in a universe where we drive on parkways and park on driveways, anything is possible.

Scientists love to conduct experiments. Research is what they do when they're pondering quandaries, but they never seem to solve a problem without creating ten more hypothetical problems to be solved. Unfortunately, we don't devote enough research into finding a cure for pondering quandaries.

The Ig Nobel Prize is an award given for "science achievements that first make people laugh and then make them think." The twentieth annual Ig Nobel Prize event at Harvard University was organized by ANNALS OF IMPROBABLE RESEARCH, a science humor magazine, in cooperation with several Harvard student groups.

The 2010 award ceremony took place on September 30, 2010 at Harvard's Sanders Theatre and was also webcast live on YouTube. One of the annual pre-award features is the "24/7 Lectures," whereby several of the world's top thinkers each explains their subjects twice -- first in 24 seconds and again in 7 words.

The prize winners, along with their published research paper and my astute observations (BB), include:

MANAGEMENT: Allessandro Pluchino, Andrea Raspisarda and Cesare Garofalo of the University of Catania, Italy -- "The Peter Principle Revisited: A Computational Study" (mathematical demonstration that organizations would become more efficient if they promoted people at random)
BB -- Obviously, the same principle of random selection would be beneficial in choosing political leaders

PHYSICS: Lianne Parkin, Sheila Williams and Patricia Priest of the University of Otago, New Lealand -- "Preventing Winter Falls: A Randomized Controlled Trial of a Novel Intervention" (demonstrated that people slip and fall less often on icy footpaths in wintertime if they wear socks on the outside of their shoes)
BB -- People slip and fall less often on icy footpaths in the wintertime if they avoid icy footpaths

CHEMISTRY: Reic Adams of M.I.T., Scott Socolofsky of Texas A & M University, Stephen Masutani of the University of Hawaii and British Petroleum -- "Review of Deep Oil Spill Modeling Activity Supported by the Deep Spill JIP and Offshore Operator's Committee Final report" (disproving the old belief that oil and water don't mix)
BB -- Unfortunately, the Gulf of Mexico is not the ideal place to conduct such an experiment

MEDICINE: Simon Rietveld of the University of Amsterdam and Ilja van Beest of Tilburg University, the Netherlands -- "Rollercoaster Asthma: When Positive Emotional Stress Interferes with Dyspnea Perception" (discovery that symptoms of asthma can be treated with a roller-coaster ride)
BB -- The symptoms of jock itch can be treated with a ride on a wild stallion

PUBLIC HEALTH: Manuel Barneito, Charles Mathews and Larry Taylor of the International Health and Safety Office at Fort Detrick, Maryland -- "Microbiological Laboratory Hazard of Bearded Men" (determined through experimentation that microbes cling to bearded scientists)
BB -- Microbes also cling to bearded Scientologists

TRANSPORTATION: Toshiyuki Nakagaki, Atsushi Tero, Seiji Takagi, Tetsu Saigusa, Kentaro Ito, Kenji Yumiki, Ryo Kobayashi of Japan, and Dan Bebber and Mark Fricker of the UK -- Rules for Biologically Inspired Adaptive Network Design" (usage of slime mold to determine the optimal routes for railroad tracks)
BB -- The usage of slime mold can also be used to determine the optimal number of bearded scientists it takes to screw in a light bulb

ECONOMICS: The executives and directors of Goldman Sachs, AIG, Lehman Brothers, Bear Sterns, Merrill Lynch and Magnetar -- (creating and promoting new ways to invest money that maximize financial gain and minimize risk for the world economy, or for a portion thereof)
BB -- The investors reap the profits and the taxpayers cover the losses -- the investors get the mine and the taxpayers get the shaft

BIOLOGY: Gareth Jones of the University of Bristol, UK -- "Fellatio by Fruit Bats Prolongs Copulation Time" (scientific documentation of fellatio in fruit bats)
BB -- Fruit bats also sleep upside down in caves, just like Bruce Wayne and Donald Trump

PEACE PRIZE: Richard Stephens, John Atkins and Andrew Kingston of Keele University, UK -- "Swearing as a Response to Pain" (confirming the belief that swearing relieves pain)
BB -- No sheeit

ENGINEERING: Karina Acevedo-Whitehouse and Agnes Rocha-Gosselin of the Zoological Society of London, UK, and Diane Gendron of Instituto Politecnico in Baja California Sur, Mexico -- "A Novel Non-Invasive Tool for Disease Surveillance of Free-Ranging Whales and Its Relevance to Conservation Programs" (perfected a method to collect whale snot, using a remote-control helicopter)
BB -- When collecting gorilla snot, bring lots of bananas and be very, very polite

The winners who attended the ceremony where they each gave a brief speech. To ensure brevity, a little girl would dutifully scream, "Please stop talking – you're boring me." when recipients ran over their allotted time.

People often yell "Please stop talking – you're boring me." at me too, sometimes when I'm not even talking.

Quote for the Day – "If we knew what we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?" Albert Einstein

Bret Burquest is a former award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where most of the local research deals with the covert distillation of liquid spirits (moonshine). His blogs appear on several websites, including

Saturday, November 6, 2010

The War to End All Wars

On the Planet of Wounded Souls, the human race knows more about war than it does about living in peace.

The War to End All Wars officially ended at 11 AM on 11/11/1918 -- it would later be called World War I. The following year, November 11 was set aside in the United States as Armistice Day, in memory of those who participated in World War I in order to ensure a lasting peace.

In 1938, Armistice Day became a federal holiday. The following year, World War II erupted.

In 1953, Armistice Day was changed to Veteran’s Day as a gesture meant to honor all of those who served their country in war and peace. Although the federal holiday for Veteran’s Day was declared, in 1971, to be the second Monday in November, most Americans recognize November 11 as the day of observance, often holding ceremonies at 11:00 AM in the morning.

Both of my grandfathers were conscripted into the U.S. Army during World War I. One of them served as a cook at an Army base in New Jersey and the other served as a clerk in Illinois.

My father was conscripted into the U.S. Army during World War II. He started as a private and was mustered out as a first lieutenant after spending four years at various Army Air Force bases as a flight instructor.

I was drafted into the US Army (1966-68) during what was referred to as the Vietnam Conflict and served two years at Third U.S. Army Headquarters in Atlanta, Georgia, as a computer analyst.

None of the men in my family enlisted voluntarily, but we all served honorably and went back to our civilian occupations after we were discharged. Ironically, none of us ever left the states to participate in the action either.

Men and women who join the Armed Forces know the risks when they enlist. Many of them make it a career. But those who are called to duty through the civilian draft make a much bigger sacrifice. Their young lives are interrupted, for an extensive period of time, always in the most perilous of circumstances. Not all will survive.

It’s difficult to put a value on several years of the prime of your life, but if it helps to preserve freedom it’s worth the sacrifice.

The following list reflects the number of Americans who gave their lives for their country.

American Revolution (1775-1783) – 4,435 dead
War of 1812 (1812-1815) – 2,260 dead
Mexican War (1846-1848) – 13,283 dead
Civil War (1861-1865) – 558,052 dead
Spanish American War (1898) – 2,446 dead
World War I (1914-1918) – 116,708 dead
World War II (1939-1945) – 407,316 dead
Korean Police Action (1950-1953) – 33,651 dead
Vietnam Conflict (1957-1975) – 58,168 dead
Gulf War (1991) – 293 dead
Iraq War (2003-2010) -- 4,404 dead
Afghanistan War (2001-????) -- 4,683 dead

America has had a long, bloody history. The present war in Afghanistan is the longest war in U.S. history, and still on-going. Far too many souls have perished in the quest to preserve life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness.

Unfortunately, the world is populated by a small percentage of self-centered people who thirst for power in order to impose their will on others. Some of those who manage to bully their way to the top have malicious agendas, often including confiscation of business and private property, suppression of human rights, personal enrichment, favoritism, personal religious agenda and so forth. The most vicious of these human maggots are eager to exterminate others based on race, religion, social status, territorial expansion, etc. Such evil must be stopped whatever the cost, both foreign and domestic.

This world is also populated by those who profit and prosper from war, such as international bankers, national governments, equipment manufacturers, intelligence agencies, etc. In addition, those who seek a one-world government perpetuate global conflict as a means to achieve their goal of global domination. We must always be cautious about marching off to war because of the secret manipulations of powerful elitists who lust for riches and control. Rich old men wage war behind the scenes, the poor die on the front line.

Perhaps someday the human race will reach a higher plane of collective consciousness and rise above such foolishness as war. Until then, the war to end all wars has yet to be fought.

On 11/11, spend a moment of silence to honor those who have sacrificed for your freedom.

And make damn sure the next war is the last resort for a just cause. War is hideous -- we must not grow fond of it.

Quote for the Day -- "War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse." John Stuart Mill

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where the best weapon against an enemy is another enemy. His blogs appear on several websites, including

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

300 Wives and 700 Porcupines

"Each new generation born is in effect an invasion of civilization by little barbarians, who must be civilized before it is too late." Thomas Sowell

Some students have a way of writing things in a slightly different manner than intended, as demonstrated in the following excerpts from tests and essays of eight graders through college, complied by Richard Lederer, a teacher in St Paul.

The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

The Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created by an apple tree. One of their children, Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”

Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java.

It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood.

Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.

The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday.

Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her death was the final event that ended her reign.

The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the Pilgrims. Many died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats together. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

Gravity was invented by Isaac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable when apples are falling off the trees.

Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept in the attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present.

Handel was a great composer. He was half German, half Italian and half English. He was very large.

Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

The nineteenth century was a time of many inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of rivers to spring up.

William Tell shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.

The sun never sets on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West.

Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands.

Quote for the Day -- "A child of five would understand this -- send someone to fetch a child of five." Groucho Marx

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where a black cat crossing your path means the cat is going somewhere. His blogs appear on several websites, including