Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Ferrtile Mind Gathers No Moss

I like to collect strange facts. It keeps my fertile mind from gathering moss.

According to the Guinness Book of World Records, the most difficult tongue twister is “The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick.”

In 1980, Dr. Paul Ashton, anesthetics registrar at Birkenhead General Hospital Merseyside, in England, worked a 142-hour week.

In 1977, Reverend Tony Leyva of West Palm Beach, Florida, delivered a sermon that lasted 72 hours.
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Things to say if caught sleeping at your desk:
·    Actually, this is part of the Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan (SLEEP) that I learned in the last mandatory time management seminar you had me attend
·   Darn -- I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem
·   They told me at the blood bank this might happen
·    I was trying to pick up my contact lens without smudging it with my fingers
·    Guess I left the top off the liquid paper
·    Amen
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I spent about eight months working on a computer contract in Memphis in 1999 leading up to the potential disaster known in the computer industry as Y2K. There were lots of rumors about what might happen if the problem couldn’t be resolved. Some of the myths included:
·    All microwave ovens and toasters will explode on 1/1/00
·   We will be required to dress in 1900 fashion
·    It’s all part of a vast right-wing conspiracy
·    World War III will be triggered by an essay on Global Warning written by a third grader from New Jersey
·    A new number system, excluding the number six, will be imposed by Congress to prevent the arrival of the Beast
·   Computers will refer to human beings as U2X Bugs
·   Microsoft will win the next four Super Bowls
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Someone sent me the following interesting bit about political philosophies explained in simple terms. Suppose you have two cows.
·   Socialism – You keep one cow and give one cow to your neighbor.
·   Communism – The government takes both cows and provides you the milk.
·   Fascism – The government takes both cows and sells you the milk.
·   Bureaucracy – The government takes both cows, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk (once you fill out the proper paperwork) and then pours it down the drain.
·    Democracy – The government taxes you to the point that you must sell both cows in order to support a man in a foreign country that has only one cow which was a gift from your government.
·   Corporate – You sell one cow, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when it drops dead.
·         Capitalism – You sell one cow and buy a bull.
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Someone sent me the following quips.
·    The shortest sentence in the English language is “I am.”
·    The longest sentence in the English language is “I do.”
·    If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
·    If an Oriental person gets dizzy, does he become disoriented?
·    If people from Poland are called “Poles,” why aren’t people from Holland called “Holes?”
·    If someone asks “a penny for your thoughts” and you put your two cents worth in, what happens to the other penny?
·    If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then it should follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed.

Quote for the Day -- “I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.” Mark Twain

Bret Burquest is the author of 10 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.