The
best investment on Earth is earth.
Throughout
my perilous journey through life on Planet Earth, I have purchased (and sold)
homes in southern California (North Hollywood, Oxnard, Sherman Oaks),
Wickenburg, Arizona, and Salem, Arkansas.
When
seeking to purchase a home, the first step is to narrow-down a compatible area
that fits your needs, desires and budget. The next step is finding the right
real estate agent, which isn't always a simple task -- sometimes, your real
estate may turn out to be a few slices short of a full loaf.
TOP
TEN REASON YOU MAY HAVE A WACKO REAL ESTATE AGENT
1)
The agent shows up to give you a tour, on his Harley, and tells you to
"hop on."
2)
The agent can't attend open houses on weekends because he's busy delivering
pizzas.
3)
When you spot a leak in the roof, the agent calls it a natural shower and adds
another 1/2 to the bathroom count.
4)
The agent tells you that if he doesn't get a commission soon, he's going back
to his old job of shoplifting at Wal Mart.
5)
The phone number of the agent is the pay phone in the men's room at an Indian
casino.
6)
The agent won't work with you unless you're a Libra or a Scorpio.
7)
When you express an interest in a property, the agent immediately falls to his
knees and kisses your feet.
8)
The agent wants you to call him by his nickname, Slick, because there are
several arrest warrants out for him under his real name.
9)
The agent submits all written offers on the back of napkins he pilfered from
Taco Bell.
10)
The agent can only show properties south of the railroad tracks and west of the
highway because of restraining orders.
I
once bought a house in a depressed area -- the prices weren't particularly low,
but all the people in the area were bummed out.
___________
Quote for the Day -- "Next to the writer of real estate
advertisements, the autobiographer is the most suspect of prose artists."
Donal Henahan
___________
Bret Burquest is the author of 9 books, including THE REALITY OF
THE ILLUSION OF REALITY and 11:11 EARTH TIME (available on Amazon). He lives in
the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where a home for sale listed
as "cozy" usually refers to a hollow tree.
___________
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