Saturday, September 25, 2010

Quotes by Humans -- Part 2

We are all born ignorant, but one must work hard to remain stupid. Those who obtain high levels of stupidity often get into financial derivative futures contracts, multi-level marketing pyramid schemes, armed robbery or politics. Some stupid quotes below, followed by observations from me (BB).

"I get to go to lots of overseas places, like Canada." - Britney Spears, Pop Singer
(BB -- Perhaps you should take the shortcut next time)

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." George W Bush, former U.S. President
(BB -- For the best results sneak up behind them)

"I'm someone who has a deep emotional attachment to Starsky and Hutch." - Bill Clinton, former U.S. President
(BB -- Perhaps your emotions run a tad too deep on occasion)

"I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity." - Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House
(BB -- Most people in Texas, all hat and no cattle, are filled with humidity, especially during the summer)

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate." - Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.
(BB -- If you take out the politicians, Washington actually has a low moron rate)

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious." - Alan Minter, Boxer
(BB -- Lots of deaths in falling off of high cliffs too, but none of them serious)

"My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." - Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player
(BB -- If it's a girl, you will be the Maid of Honor)

"The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing." - Dizzy Dean, baseball player
(BB -- You should consider getting into politics)

"For most people, death comes at the end of their lives." - Radio broadcaster, UK
(BB -- Unless death comes earlier)

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." - Greg Norman, Golfer
(BB -- They must be so proud)

"He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is." - Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer
(BB -- I get up at high noon regardless of what time it is, unless I sleep late)

"Whenever I watch TV and I see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I would love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." - Mariah Carey, Pop Singer
(BB -- Flies and death and stuff can be very annoying, but being skinny makes it all worthwhile)

"I may be dumb, but I'm not stupid." - Terry Bradshaw, Former football player/announcer
(BB -- I'd say it's a toss-up)

"Predictions are difficult. Especially about the future." - Yogi Berra, Baseball player
(BB -- That's why you should only make predictions about the past)

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." - Brooke Shields, actress
(BB -- I believe Buddha said that first)

"It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!" - Dan Quayle, former U.S. Vice President
(BB -- Let's not be too hasty on that)

"I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." - Arnold Schwarzenegger
(BB -- A gay marriage between a man and a woman works best if they have the same shoe size)

"Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion." - Madonna
(BB -- Ditto)

Quote for the Day -- "Life is tough, but it's tougher when you're stupid." John Wayne

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where eccentricity is an acceptable form of stupidity. His blogs appear on several websites, including

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