Saturday, October 24, 2009

Converting to Islam

In the year 610 AD, the prophet Muhammed received a divine message from Allah. He was commanded, by Allah, to start a new religion called Islam. Over the next 22 years, Muhammed spoke for Allah and the Muslim empire overtook the Arabian Peninsula.

After Muhammed's death, the Muslim empire continued to expand over the centuries. Muslim expansionism and indoctrination by force has been taking place now for 1,400 years.

These days, there exists a radical Islamic organization called Al-Qaeda, ostensibly led by Osama bin Laden, with the stated objective of exterminating Infidels (non-Muslims) from the face of the Earth and creating a global Islamic Empire.

On Sept. 2, 2006, Al Qaeda's deputy leader, Ayman al-Zawahiri, issued a videotape to "all Americans and unbelievers" announcing that "God sent his prophet Muhammad with the religion of truth" and that it was his duty as a Muslim to give the enemy a chance to convert to Islam or face the wrath of his merry band of terrorists.

Gee whiz, I thought. All I have to do is wrap a towel around my head, change my name to Booga Booga Mujaminkuvwxyz and bow to the East a couple of times a day to get this nut job off my back. No big deal.

So I made a few notes, in the form of a multiple choice quiz, just to see if I wanted to go through with it.

1) In 1972, athletes at the Munich Olympics were kidnapped and killed by:
A) Jehovah Witnesses
B) The Salvation Army
C) Keebler Elves
D) Meals on Wheels
E) Radical Islamic Terrorists

2) In 1979, the US Embassy in Iran was taken over by:
A) Boston Red Socks
B) Detroit Red Wings
C) Chicago White Socks
D) Knights in White Satin
E) Radical Islamic Terrorists

3) In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:
A) Sergeant Pepper
B) Captain Kangaroo
C) General Electric
D) King Kong
E) Radical Islamic Terrorists

4) In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was blown up by:
A) Mr. Clean
B) Dr. Phil
C) Judge Judy
D) Uncle Ben
E) Radical Islamic Terrorists

5) In 1993, the World Trade Center was originally bombed by:
A) Albert Einstein
B) Sigmund Freud
C) Carl Jung
D) Monty Python
E) Radical Islamic Terrorists

6) In 1998, the US Embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:
A) Simon & Shuster
B) Thelma & Louise
C) Johnson & Johnson
D) H & R Block
E) Radical Islamic Terrorists

7) On September 11, 2001, four airliners were hijacked and flown into crowded buildings by:
A) The Mormon Tabernacle Choir
B) The Boy Scouts of America
C) The Cleveland Cavaliers
D) The Grateful Dead
E) Radical Islamic Terrorists

8) In 2002, reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:
A) Bruce Wayne
B) Clark Kent
C) Betty Crocker
D) Whoopi Goldberg
E) Radical Islamic Terrorists

9) In 2003-2009, scores of suicide bombers perpetrated mass murders by:
A) Apache Indians
B) Jedi Warriors
C) Moody Blues
D) Dixie Chicks
E) Radical Islamic Terrorists

The first thing I realized was that these radical Islamic terrorists seemed to be up to a lot of mischief and I really didn't want any part of it. Oh sure, it would be fun to slaughter Infidels but some of them might fight back.

It also occurred to me that if I were to join this collection of pinheads I would be eligible to be greeted by 72 virgins in the next world. This sounded very tempting at first, but I soon realized I could only handle about 11 or 12 virgins at any one time.

So I decided not to convert to Islam and take my chances in the boondocks of America. Islam may be Al-Qaeda's vision of eternal bliss, but I'll stick with freedom of (from) religion instead.

If you value anything more than freedom, you will lose your freedom. If you value security or money or comfort more than freedom, you will lose it too. None are so hopelessly enslaved as those who falsely believe they are free. And those who would give up freedom for security are entitled to neither.

Live free or die.

Quote for the Day – “I know not what course others may take, but as for me, give me liberty or give me death.” Patrick Henry

Bret Burquest is an award-winning columnist and author of four novels. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a dog named Buddy Lee and where the price of freedom is an independent attitude. His blogs appear on several websites, including

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