Sunday, June 15, 2008

Dogs and Cats

Dogs are extremely social animals whose psychological welfare is dependent on an association with other dogs in a pack while following the guidance of the pack leader. Domestic dogs rely on a human master as a surrogate pack leader. Properly trained, a man can be dog's best friend.

Cats don’t need a pack leader to show the way. They’re self-contained units of indifference that rely mostly on whim.

Dogs don’t dwell on the past and give little thought to the future beyond their next meal. They live almost exclusively in the present.

Cats don’t dwell on anything, including the present. They live almost exclusively in a different dimension.

Show dogs fall into six categories, depending on their talents and lineage: sporting breeds, hound breeds, working breeds, terrier breeds, toy breeds and non-sporting breeds. A non-pedigree dog is called a mutt.

Show cats fall into two categories, depending on the length of their hair: longhaired division and shorthaired division. A non-pedigree cat is called a cat.

Dogs perform functional tasks such as herding livestock, following scents, retrieving game and providing protection.

Cats perform dysfunctional tasks such as unraveling a ball of twine or chasing an imaginary object.

Dogs can hear frequencies up to 35,000 vibrations per second, as opposed to 20,000 in human beings.

Cats can hear frequencies up to the eleven dimensions of the Astral Plane, including the Twilight Zone. They can also hear Elvis, Jimmy Hoffa and the Ghost of Christmas Past.

Dogs have a superior sense of smell.

Cats have a sense of superiority.

Dogs are eager to learn new commands. They are pleased whenever they please their human masters.

Cats are eager to be treated like royalty. They are pleased whenever they feel like being pleased.

Dog people love their canines and consider them to be members of the family. In return, dogs love, honor and obey their human companions. It’s a lasting relationship.

Cat people love their felines and consider them to be members of the family. In return, cats couldn't care less. There is no relationship.

Dog people have a psychological desire to be needed.

Cat people have a psychological desire to be rejected.

I’m a dog person. My current dog, Buddy Lee, is a rambunctious dude of unknown breed. I found him in a local animal shelter. Acquiring a dog is the only opportunity a human being ever has to choose a relative.

Taking naps and eating are Buddy Lee's major activities. He dislikes being disturbed, particularly by anyone knocking on the front door. We have much in common.

If you want to be loved, get a dog.

If you want to be ignored, get a cat.


Quote of the Day – "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man." Mark Twain

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jeanie oliver said...

I have enjoyed reading your pieces here and I think you will enjoy the blogspot. It is so easy to work with and before you know it you'll be going back to your own blog because it's by your favorite author!
I did not realize that you wrote for the Salem newspaper. I liked blogspot so much that I have 3 blogs and post to another in England.
I appreciated your comment and look forward to reading your posts.
Jeanie Oliver

Bret said...

Thanks, Jeanie

I wrote a weekly column for "The News" in Salem (2001-2007) and taught computer classes at Ozarka college (2001-2006).

Your comment about my favorite author gave me a chuckle. Actually, the late Hunter S. Thompson is my favorite author but I was trying to do a bit of marketing.

Thanks for being the first to comment on my blog -- I just started the site today and am still trying to figure everything out.

Love your photos.

Take care, Bret