Tourists and Chiggers

There are two annoying creatures that invade my little corner of the world during the summer months – tourists and chiggers. According to the dictionary, a chigger is a 6-legged mite larva that sucks the blood of vertebrates and causes intense irritation. This also describes my ex-wife, except she only has two legs. A harvest mite is one of 30,000 species of mites. It passes through four stages -- egg, larva, nymph and adult. In the larva stage, it is commonly known as a chigger. Chiggers are prevalent throughout the southern part of the United States, particularly within a hundred yards of where I call home. They are so tiny I’ve never actually seen one but I have ample evidence they're keeping tabs on me at all times. Much like my ex-wife, chiggers prefer shade and moist areas. Chiggers live where they are protected by vegetation, such as around shrubs, plants, grass, mulch and overgrown wild areas. My ex-wife lives in Missouri, where she is protected by her latest husband, two neurotic cats and a can of mace. During the winter months, chiggers hang out a few inches below the surface, mostly discussing politics and their plans for the summer. In the spring, the adults emerge to lay eggs. Shortly thereafter, the eggs hatch into the larva stage to officially become chiggers. That’s when the fun begins. Chiggers can detect movement and have the ability to sense a food source from a great distance. Unlike most other mites, they're able to move rapidly and travel a long way to forage for food. Chiggers have a voracious appetite for flesh, especially the human variety. They'll crawl all over a person seeking a spot with a tight fit, such as under the socks or under a waistband. At 1/120 inch in diameter, they're even able to squeeze through the mesh of most fabrics. Once a chigger has found its way to the dinner table, it will puncture the skin, inject saliva and liquefy the flesh, enabling it to suck its meal. The injected saliva also contains a substance that prevents the blood from clotting and temporarily anesthetizes the area so it won’t be detected until after the meal is finished. After dining on the flesh, the chigger drops off the host. Later, the host will be left with a red bump, created by digestive fluids, which will cause a very intense itch. For the chigger, long since gone by now, a short period of development follows where the larva molts into a non-parasitic nymph that will soon mature to the adult stage. The entire life cycle takes only 50-70 days. Like everything else on earth, chiggers serve a purpose. They make us introspective and humble knowing we’re nothing more than a dinner platter for another living creature in nature's food chain. On the positive side, they keep those pesky tourists from moving down here and spoiling the ambiance. The worst thing about being a tourist is being recognized as a tourist. They're a lot like chiggers -- they make me itch long after they're gone. ___________ Quote for the Day – "I quit flying years ago -- I don't want to die with tourists." Billy Bob Thornton ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 12 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a few dogs and where chiggers enjoy the ambiance. ___________ - -

Confronting a Bully

When I was seven years old, I found myself under the constant attack of a neighborhood bully who was two years older and twice my size. One day he pushed me too far and I punched him in the nose -- nailed him real good. My next course of action was to make a swift retreat back to my house. Several hours later, the bully’s mother showed up at our front door. My mother, who is part bobcat and doesn't take any crap from anyone, answered the door while I lingered nearby, safely out of sight. The bully’s mother handed my mother a fresh blueberry pie, intended for me, and told my mother that anytime I felt compelled to hit her son it was just fine with her. From that day on, I never had any trouble with the bully again. I suspect I had gained an ounce of respect from him because I stood up to him. But it was a hollow victory because he just went on to bully others, while I went on to encounter the next bully in line. According to the US Department of Education, 18 million kids have reported being bullied by other kids. It’s estimated that 160,000 children skip school daily because of a bully. Statistically, one out of four bullies will be jailed by age thirty. Some of the lifelong consequences of having been a victim of bullying include anxiety, depression and even suicide. Sending your children to government-controlled public schools is like sending the chickens to mingle with the chicken hawks. Most of the teenagers who have gone on shooting sprees in their schools complained that bullies had been picking on them until they couldn’t take it anymore. Kids who join gangs, particularly in big cities, probably do so to protect themselves from the bullying of others. But joining a gang only exacerbates the problem by creating bully gangs instead of bully individuals. Years ago, I lived near a family in Arizona with two teenage boys who vandalized property, harassed neighbors, stole things, tormented teachers and even beat up their mother once. The parents always had an excuse – boys will be boys. It never occurred to the parents that they could be the problem. They preferred to blame the victims for picking on their dear lads. Human behavior is both genetic and environmental. We are born with a certain disposition and are also a product of what we learn along the way. We are products of products, of those who breed and raise us, just as they are products of products too. Sometimes, we even become what we swore we would never be. There’s no doubt that human beings have certain traits at birth. Some babies are mellow and sweet, while others can be described as rambunctious or even devilish. These basic personalities tend to remain throughout a lifetime. Anyone who has raised a litter of puppies understands this concept. Almost invariably, the aggressive puppies remain aggressive and the meek remain meek. The same is true with human beings. I suspect most bullies are the product of either overly-strict parenting or a total lack of parenting. In both cases, the child suffers from a lack of proper control. With overly-strict parents, the child becomes outraged because of the injustice (psychological abuse) perpetrated against them. They strike out at others because they're helpless at home. And they strike out at others because their parents strike out at them, thereby teaching their children that in order to get your way you must overpower or inflict pain on others. With parents who don’t provide even minimal guidance, the child feels unwanted and unloved. Neglected children become heartless adults. Children who are allowed to do anything with impunity expect to do the same as get older. Spoiled children become spoiled adults. Essentially, without positive role-modeling and appropriate discipline, children are programmed to be rotten kids who later become rotten adults. In both cases, these children are victims of their upbringing. Some are able to deal with it and overcome it, while others become victimizers, also known as bullies, and seek revenge for the cruelties that had been perpetrated on them by perpetrating cruelties on others, particularly on the innocent and defenseless. Bullies have always been with us. Dealing with them is no simple matter. If you fight back, you’re attempting to solve a wrong with a wrong and, in most cases, will only get injured. Furthermore, you can turn the other cheek only so many times. Running away is rarely a solution because you're only delaying the inevitable confrontation. And reporting them to higher authorities will almost always backfire. It’s a no-win situation. All bullies are cowards. They're angry at someone or something they cannot overcome so they pick on the weak and delight in upsetting others. They're getting even with the world by hurting someone who can't hurt them back. A victim is incapable of making good come from evil -- don't be a victim. Don’t allow a bully to control your emotions. Be strong, firm and resolute. Don't lower yourself to your adversary's level. Your dignity under duress will be much more powerful than reacting to a jerk who wants you to react. ___________ Quote for the Day – "We boil at different degrees." Clint Eastwood ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 12 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a few dogs and where Bully is the name of rodeo bull that enjoys flinging riders to the turf. ___________ - -

Silence of the Yams

Many philosophers believe that thoughts are deeds. If you project benevolent thoughts, you help create a benevolent environment. Projecting hostility creates hostility, etc. As we sow, so shall we reap. Cleve Backster, America's foremost lie-detector expert, hooked up a lie-detector to a plant about 40 years ago in an attempt to see how long it would take water to reach the leaves. A lie detector is a sensitive instrument that measures such things as Galvanic skin response, slight variations in temperature, pressure, rates of flow, etc. Backster quickly discovered the plant reacted "dramatically" to the experiment itself. When Backster decided to burn one of the leaves, the lie detector readings went off the charts. When he noticed the "trauma" being exhibited by the plant, he decided not to burn the plant after all, whereupon the plant became calm once again. Backster had not approached the plant with a match -- he had only decided, in his mind, to do so, at which time the plant became "emotional." And when he had decided to call off the burning experiment, again only in his mind, the plant returned to normal. In subsequent experiments, Backster had trouble repeating the results because once a plant had been led to believe something was going to happen and it didn't, the plant would retain that knowledge and not become "emotional" the second time. Consequently, fresh plants were required for continued experimentation. This led to the conclusion that plants have some sort of memory and discrimination capability. In other experiments, it became clear that the plants would only react if the experimenter actually intended to carry out the actions. If Backster was only bluffing to do something harmful, the plant wouldn't respond. Thus he concluded that plants could discern intent (through thought transference) and had a "memory" of past events. Backster conducted further experiments over the last four decades and has become one of the leading bio-communications experts in the world. For example, he discovered that an egg would react when another egg was cracked. His work tends to confirm the Gaia Hypothesis which states that the world is one huge, living organism with self-regulating capability. Dorothy Retallack is another specialist in this field. She exposed a variety of plants to various types of music. Plants that were exposed to hard rock (Led Leppelin and Jimi Hendrix) began pointing away from the source of the music, whereas plants exposed to soothing music began pointing toward the source. Through further studies, she concluded that being gentle with plants helps them flourish and being the opposite has the opposite effect. THE SECRET LIFE OF PLANTS, by Peter Tompkins and Christopher Bird, is a book detailing other experiments done on plant life. Distance doesn't seem to matter when communicating with plants. For example, a chemist became so attuned to his house plants that they reacted excitedly when he made love to his girlfriend 80 miles away. In another instance, a philodendron activated by a thought impulse from a technician started a car two miles away. On a more unscientific note, my ex-wife, who is three-quarters Norwegian and one-quarter dingbat, used to talk to vegetables. She could spend hours chatting with a pod of peas or an ear of corn. She did most of the talking while the vegetables listened politely without too much interruption. One day she got some financial advice from a zucchini. Two hours later she went out and bought some brand new furniture. "It really didn't cost anything," she told me, "I put it on the credit card." I chopped up the zucchini and put it in a salad. One morning my ex-wife got into an argument with a kumquat. It had something to do with her new hair style -- the kumquat thought it made her look fat. She tried to get a second opinion from a yam but it ignored her, so she decided to snarl at me instead. Apparently, yams don't like to be confrontational. I never did communicate very well with the vegetables. They prefer to communicate with entities on their own intellectual level, such as fungi, mildew, politicians and dingbats. However, I once had a lengthy conversation with dill pickle about the meaning of life. They tend to be very good listeners. ___________ Quote for the Day – "The opposite of talking is waiting." Fran Lebowitz ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 12 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a few dogs and an imaginary girlfriend named Tequila Mockingbird. ___________ - -

Last Monday in May

The last Monday in May is Memorial Day -- a day to honor all those who lost life and limb in defense of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. On December 7, 1941, the Japanese Navy perpetrated a surprise attack on Pearl Harbor in Hawaii, compelling the USA to enter into the horrific global conflict called World War II. Many Hollywood movie stars were involved in military action during WWII. JAMES STEWART (1908-1997) Enlisted in 1940 -- commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant after Pearl Harbor attack -- as a licensed pilot he trained other pilots -- appointed squadron commander in 1943 -- flew combat missions over Germany, leading 20 missions and participating in hundreds of other air strikes -- retired as an active member of the Air Force Reserve in the late 1950s as a Brigadier General. CLARK GABLE (1901-1960) Joined the Army Air Corps in 1942 after the death of his wife, Carol Lombard -- assigned to aerial gunnery training -- commissioned as a 2nd lieutenant -- flew in operational missions over Europe in B-17s -- relieved of duty (over-age for combat) in 1944 at the rank of Major. LEE MARVIN (1924-1987) Joined the Marines after being expelled from several prep schools -- wounded during the Battle of Saipan, during which most of his company of Marines were killed -- he received a Purple Heart and was given a medical discharge at the rank of Private First Class. AUDIE MURPHY (1924-1971) Stood 5' 5" and enlisted in the Army after Pearl Harbor at age 16 by lying about his age -- the most decorated soldier in World War II, including the Congressional Medal of Honor -- his Medal of Honor citation reads as follows: "Second Lt. Murphy commanded Company B, which was attacked by six tanks and waves of infantry. 2d Lt. Murphy ordered his men to withdraw to a prepared position in a woods, while he remained forward at his command post and continued to give fire directions to the artillery by telephone. Behind him, to his right, one of our tank destroyers received a direct hit and began to burn. Its crew withdrew to the woods. 2d Lt. Murphy continued to direct artillery fire, which killed large numbers of the advancing enemy infantry. With the enemy tanks abreast of his position, 2d Lt. Murphy climbed on the burning tank destroyer, which was in danger of blowing up at any moment, and employed its .50 caliber machine gun against the enemy. He was alone and exposed to German fire from three sides, but his deadly fire killed dozens of Germans and caused their infantry attack to waver. The enemy tanks, losing infantry support, began to fall back. For an hour the Germans tried every available weapon to eliminate 2d Lt. Murphy, but he continued to hold his position and wiped out a squad that was trying to creep up unnoticed on his right flank. Germans reached as close as 10 yards, only to be mowed down by his fire. He received a leg wound, but ignored it and continued his single-handed fight until his ammunition was exhausted. He then made his way back to his company, refused medical attention, and organized the company in a counterattack, which forced the Germans to withdraw. His directing of artillery fire wiped out many of the enemy; he killed or wounded about 50. 2d Lt. Murphy's indomitable courage and his refusal to give an inch of ground saved his company from possible encirclement and destruction, and enabled it to hold the woods which had been the enemy's objective." TYRONE POWER (1914-1958) Enlisted in the Marines in 1942 -- having been a pilot prior to enlistment, he was commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant in 1943 -- he flew cargo into war zones in the Battle of Iwo Jima and the Battle of Okinawa, then flew wounded Marines out of the war zones -- released from duty in 1946 at the rank of Captain. EARNEST BORGNINE (1917-2012) Joined the Navy in 1935 and was discharged in 1941, but re-enlisted after Pearl Harbor -- discharged again in 1945, after 10 years in the Navy, at the rank of Gunner's Mate. CHARLES BRONSON (1921-2003) Enlisted in the Army Air Force in 1943 -- served as an aerial gunner on B-29s -- saw action in Guam, Tinian and Saipan -- awarded a Purple Heart for wounds received in action. EDDIE ALBERT (1906-2005) Prior to WWII, he worked in a circus in Mexico as a clown and high-wire artist while secretly on assignment for Army Intelligence photographing German U-boats in Mexican Harbors -- enlisted in the Navy in 1942 -- awarded a Bronze Star for his actions during the Invasion of Tarawa in 1943 -- was the pilot of a landing craft that rescued 47 Marines while under heavy enemy fire. Many other Hollywood actors were also active on military duty during in World War II, including George C. Scott, Brian Keith, John Russell, Robert Ryan, Charles Durning and others. December 7, 2011, was the 70th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor. The following day, my father, Weston K. Burquest, passed on to the Great Beyond, on December 8, 2011, at age 92 -- Rest in Peace. My father was conscripted (drafted) during World War II. He eventually became a flight instructor in the U.S. Army Air Force, training others to become pilots, and was discharged at the end of the war as a First Lieutenant. He was not an actor or a hero -- just another one of the more than 11 million men who were called upon by their country to defend freedom and were inducted (drafted) into military service in WWII. Only when the power of love overcomes the love of power, will there be Peace on Earth. ___________ Quote for the Day – "In peace, sons bury their fathers -- in war, fathers bury their sons." Herodotus ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 12 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a few dogs and was drafted into the U.S. Army during the Vietnam Era. ___________ - -

Land of the Giants

I lived in southern California in 1975-1987. One night I watched a local TV report about the remains of giants discovered on Catalina island (just off the coast of L.A.) in the late 19th century. They were 7 to 9 feet tall, with red hair and had a double set of teeth. Their skulls were up to 6 times larger than a normal human skull. In the 1800s, the remains of a similar giant were found on Santa Rosa Island, another coastal island near Santa Barbara. He also had a double row of teeth. It is one of the many items of weirdness that has found a permanent home in my cranial data base. Surprise, surprise -- these ancient giants are found in many places globally. In 1833, near San Luis Obispo, California, soldiers were digging a gunpowder pit and discovered the skeleton of a man 12 feet tall, surrounded by stone axes, carved shells and blocks containing numerous unknown symbols. He had a double row of upper and lower teeth. In 1883, near Mandan, North Dakota, a 100-acre cemetery was discovered filled with bones of a race of giant humans. In 1888, in St. Paul, Minnesota, seven skeletons were discovered, 7 to 8 feet tall. In 1891, near Crittenden, Arizona, a 12-foot giant skeleton was unearthed, along with a huge stone coffin which contained a carving indicating the man had six toes. In 1898, two brothers, H. Flagler Cowden and Charles C. Cowden, were scientists doing an archeological dig in Death Valley. They uncovered the fossilized remains of a human-like female, 7.5 feet tall. Her canine teeth were twice as long as a modern human. They also found remains of prehistoric camels and an elephant-like creature with four tusks. In 1911, an 8-foot mummy with red hair was discovered in Lovelock Cave, California -- see old newspaper photo below. In 1931, near lovelock, Nevada, several huge skeletons were found in the Humboldt lake bed. An 8.5 foot skeleton was wrapped in a gum-covered fabric similar to an Egyptian mummy. Another skeleton was almost 10 feet tall. In 1932, the Supervisor of the Lincoln National Park in White Sands, New Mexico, found human tracks (which included human instep imprint) in gypsum rock, 22 inches long and 10 inches wide. In 1947, a retired doctor from Ohio discovered several mummified bodies, 8 to 9 feet tall, in caverns in the desert region south of Death Valley. They were dressed in medium length jackets and trousers extending slightly below the knees. The texture of the material was made from an animal skin unknown today. Also discovered within the cavern complex were household utensils and stoves which apparently cooked by radio waves. According to an Associated Press account of this discovery, the doctor claimed that in one of the caverns "was the ritual hall of the ancient people, together with devices and markings similar to those now used by the Masonic Order." In 1965, a perfectly preserved skeleton was found under a rock ledge along Holly Creek, Kentucky. It measured 8 feet, 9 inches in length, with long arms, huge hands and the skull was 30 inches in circumference.. This is just a small sampling of giants roaming the earth in ancient times. Numerous Native American legends also speak of these giants and generally considered them hostile enemies. For example, the Sioux Indians told tales to Buffalo Bill Cody about how these ancient giants would run down the buffalo. Skeletons of giant size, 7 to 10 feet, have also been found in Spain, France, Italy, Turkey, Syria, Jordan, Israel and the Caucasus Mountain region. The true history of Planet Earth is fascinating, complex and largely unknown. But that's okay because too much knowledge can cause the brain to explode. ___________ Quote for the Day – "Of course I'm crazy, but that doesn't mean I'm wrong." Robert Anton Wilson ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 12 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a few dogs and an imaginary girlfriend named Long Tall Sally. ___________ - -

Getting Over the Hill

In the movie THE ELECTRIC HORSEMAN, Robert Redford is a former rodeo champion, now past his prime, selling his soul to a large corporation as a spokesman for their brand of breakfast cereal. During a moment of disillusionment with his life, aided by a hefty dose of Jack Daniels, he rides off with a prized horse owned by the corporation in order to save it from being turned into a commercial puppet like himself. Newspaper reporter Jane Fonda tracks down Redford and the stolen horse, joining them in their journey across remote areas of Utah. Redford plans to release the horse into the wild, freeing it from exploitation. Fonda tags along hoping to get a good news story out of it. One day, as they’re walking up a formidable hill, Fonda begs Redford to slow down and take a rest. Instead of slowing down, Redford marches on while telling Fonda a story from his old rodeo days about a cowboy who broke a rib and punctured his lung during a bull ride yet continued competing in his events. “And he still rode the rankest mare there,” Redford said, proudly. Fonda isn’t exactly impressed, wondering why men have to display so much machismo. “It gets you over the hill,” Redford exclaims as he continues trudging up the incline. Every once in a while we are faced with the option to gut it out or fall by the wayside. Sometimes it isn’t even an option. In November of 2002, 27-year-old Aron Ralston quit his engineering job to pursue his goal of becoming the first person to climb solo, in winter, all 55 of Colorado’s peaks that exceed 14,000 feet in elevation. Four months later, he survived an avalanche but remained undeterred. In April of 2003, having told no one of his plans, Ralston was hiking alone in Blue John Canyon in a remote area of Utah when his right arm became pinned by an 800-pound boulder. Falling by the wayside was not an option. Ralston was trapped for five days and out of water before he finally took the only action he could to save himself. He broke each of the two bones in his forearm, applied a tourniquet, then cut off his right arm at the point of the break with a pocketknife. Then he rigged an anchor, fixed a rope and rappelled 60 feet to the canyon floor. After hiking for about five miles, covered with blood, Ralston encountered two tourists and was transported to safety. It later took a crew of 13, using jacks and a hoist, to move the boulder and recover Ralston’s arm, which was subsequently delivered to the local mortuary. Because of the crude field surgery, doctors were forced to amputate the arm even closer the elbow. While this particular tragedy was gruesome, Ralston brought much of it on himself. A prudent wilderness hiker would notify someone of their destination and expected time of return. Plus, hiking with a companion is essential in emergencies. With today’s electronics, carrying a cell phone or walkie-talkie would also be wise. And of course, avoid positioning body parts under anything heavier than a Buick. If unwilling to take these basic precautions, find another hobby such as checkers or basket weaving. Even though I try to live a simple life, I too must gut it out on occasion. For example, I’ll often get out of bed even if I’m still tired. A person is the sum of their actions. Sometimes you just have to suck it up and rise to the occasion -- it gets you over the hill. ___________ Quote for the Day – "It is the courage to continue that counts." Winston Churchill ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 12 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a few dogs and where hills beckon to be conquered. ___________ - -

Pizza Delivery Snafu

Napoleon Harris III, age 37, has served as an Illinois state senator since 2013. He is also the owner of two Beggars Pizza franchises. On September 6, 2016, his franchise in Harvey, Illinois, received an order over the phone at closing time, requesting a pizza delivery. Harris told the regular delivery guy to go home and that he would deliver the pizza to the 15800 block of Paulina Avenue himself. What Harris didn't know until he arrived was that it was a vacant house. What the four dudes who were planning to rob the pizza delivery guy at the vacant house didn't know was that it wasn't the regular delivery man. It was a 6-3 250 lb. former NFL linebacker who had played for the Oakland Raiders and the Minnesota Vikings. Thus, much excitement ensued. Upon arrival with the pizza, a man on the porch greeted Harris, as three other guys burst out from behind a row of hedges. Sean Howard, of the Harvey Police Department, reported the following on the local CBS TV news: "They were expecting a scrawny 5-foot-9 guy, and got Harris instead. They put a chokehold on the senator, but to no avail. They were really trying to choke him to death, and he was just too strong. He out-powered all four of them. As they were all beating on him, one guy just went out of his way and really hit him hard, and Napoleon never moved. He just looked at him like Hulk Hogan, and from that the guys knew that we better get out of here, because we can’t get this guy down.” Never mess with a former NFL linebacker, especially a former Oakland Raider or Minnesota Viking. The four would-be robbers had somehow managed to steal Harris' wallet, as well as the pizza, and flee in a Chevy Tahoe. "Dag nabbit -- let's skeedaddle." Gabby Hayes Harris pursued the Chevy Tahoe in his own car, because that's what linebackers do -- they vigorously pursue those they intend to force from an upright position onto the ground and render them motionless, bringing their forward progress to a swift halt. Harris followed them to a lumberyard and called the Harvey Police department. When the police arrived, they found the Chevy Tahoe but the robbers had vanished. However, the police did find some blood in the Chevy Tahoe, which was registered to a Georgia man named Lester Roy Jones. Analysis of the blood revealed it matched the blood of a man's body found in an abandoned house in Union City, Georgia, by the name of Lester Roy Jones, a homicide victim. Apparently, three men had kidnapped and killed Jones by luring him to the abandoned house through a dating app. Authorities soon tracked down the four robbers, based on the descriptions Harris gave them and on the evidence linked to the homicide in Georgia. Apparently, two of the men had taken a Megabus from Chicago to Georgia and were arrested on September 15. A security camera had captured a masked man trying to use the murder victim's ATM card. Malik Mayer was charged with murder and financial card fraud. The other person arrested was a juvenile, name withheld. A third suspect, Lawrence Hines had checked himself into a Georgia mental institution. Later the same month, law enforcers tracked him down and arrested him at the facility. The fourth suspect fits the description of a man in Gary, Indiana, near Chicago. Charges and apprehension are pending. I was in high school in a suburb of Minneapolis when the Minnesota Vikings came into existence as an expansion NFL team. They were dubbed the Purple People Eaters, based on their propensity to vigorously pursue those they intend to force from an upright position onto the ground and render motionless, bringing their forward progress to a swift halt, particularly at the linebacker position. These many years later, I still bleed purple. ___________ Quote for the Day – "If winning or losing is going to define your life, you're on a rough road." Bud Grant ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 12 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a few dogs and still bleeds purple on Sundays. ___________ - -