Men and their Dogs

Dogs are the role model for living life. You can make a fool of yourself and your dog will make a fool of itself too, while laughing with its tail. HOW TO UNDERSTAND MEN THROUGH THEIR DOGS is a book written by Wendy Diamond, informing women how to judge a man by the breed of dog he owns. Since I have a keen insight into men and dogs, I can save you the price of the book. I have absolutely no insight into women but it seems irrelevant under the circumstances. SPORTING DOGS · Pointers, retrievers, setters and spaniels are field dogs bred for hunting. · A man who owns a sporting dog is a lazy outdoorsman who needs a dog to do most of the work, like finding and retrieving game. · He also wants a woman who will do most of the work, including stocking and retrieving beer. · But he isn’t too keen on pointing, especially someone pointing at him. · If you want to be a waitress, this is your guy. HOUNDS · They're used in hunting too but have a different personality. · They sniff out a trail and make lots of noise, called baying. · When not hunting, hounds are very lazy and spend a lot of time napping. · If you want a man who is primarily a couch potato, when he’s not out sniffing around and making lots of noise, a hound man is for you. WORKING DOGS · This category includes boxers, pinchers and huskies, plus very large dogs such as Great Danes, Rotweilers and Mastiffs. · Men who have large dogs, particularly pit bulls, are men who have difficulty coping with the world. · They’re macho on the outside and frightened on the inside. Their dog is their protection. · Dangerous paranoid men have dangerous paranoid dogs. · If you seek danger and paranoia, join the military. NON-SPORTING DOGS · This category includes Bichon Frises, Shar-peis, Lhasa Apsos, Schipperkes and Shiba Inus. · These are pretentious dogs with pretentious names. · A man who owns one of them is a pretentious man who probably thinks a slick necktie is hot and jazz is cool. · He owns a trendy car, wears fashionable clothes, sniffs his brandy and checks for lint. · Unless you’re a fashion model or a Capricorn, you won’t be pretentious enough for him. TERRIERS · Feisty dogs, bred to kill vermin, this breed has little tolerance for other animals, including other dogs. · A man who owns a terrier is a feisty man who has little tolerance for others, including his alter ego. · If you have a psychological need to have a man snarling at you, find a man who has a terrier. TOY DOGS · Members of this category are miniature versions of the real things. · Men with toy dogs are miniature versions of real men, unless they live in an apartment and there’s no room for a bigger dog. · They usually have limp wrists and a flair for decorating a room. · If you want someone to do your hair or nails, find a toy dog man. Otherwise move on. HERDING DOGS · This group is made up of shepherds, collies and other breeds that control the movement of animals, primarily cattle or sheep. · They are highly intelligent, easy to maintain and have a natural instinct to nibble at the heels of whatever they are herding. · One of my previous dogs was a female Australian Cattle Dog, also known as a Queensland Blue Heeler. They're magnificent creatures, much like their owners. Just make sure to keep them from nibbling at your heels. MUTTS · A mutt is a dog of mixed breed and low status. · It’s more carefree than purebreds because it doesn’t have to live up to some meaningless standard. · Mutt men don’t live up to meaningless standards either. · My current dogs are mutts. As best as anyone can tell, they're part terrier and part goofball. · I'm part Swedish, part German, part English and part rebel. · Mutts are very good at frolicking with skunks and I'm very good at avoiding the rest of the world. · If you want a carefree man of questionable status, find a mutt man. · Be sure to check for fleas. A man without a dog has no soul. If a man has nothing to give a dog, he has nothing to give a woman. A man with more than two dogs has too much responsibility. If a man pays too much attention to his dogs he has no time for a woman. Either way, you’ll be ignored. Owning a cat is like owning a fuzzy rock that changes position once in a while. A man who owns a cat prefers indifference to companionship. If you want to be treated like a fuzzy rock, find a cat man. Certain dog men make good companions. If you scratch their bellies, they’ll aim to please. ___________ Quote for the Day – "The average dog is a nicer person than the average person." Andy Rooney ___________ Bret Burquest is the author of 12 books. He lives in the Ozark Mountains with a couple dogs and an imaginary girlfriend named Trixie "Boom-Boom" O'Toole. ___________ - -